I love you. The people that say, “Quite simply, I love you.” or “I simply love you.” are liars. Love is never simple, nor is being in love. I love you though. I love the way you laugh and I love the way you get excited that you’re taking off your braces next week. I love the way you’re so dedicated to studying and the way you accept my romantic gestures. Mostly, I love the way you don’t love me.
It kills me of course. It absolutely murders me inside that we’ve only dated for a few weeks and I’ve fallen head over heels for you and you didn’t. Like any logical person you decided to take the slow route and watch your step each day while I hopped and skipped over entire stepping stones, not bothering to see how badly my recklessness would cause me to fall in the end. I don’t blame you. Maybe you were right and I was wrong but I didn’t care and I don’t care now. I still want to see you before you leave. I want to press our cheeks together and hold you tenderly because at one point in this year you were mine and that’s all that mattered. Now I’m hundreds of miles away and I haven’t dared to pick up the phone and tell you any of this because it’s not simple. None of this is ever as easy as they make it in movies and books and I loathe that. Movies teach you what to do and say when the other person loves you in return but not when the opposite occurs. If you loved me too then I would pick up the phone and tell you everything in one rambling breath. I would tell you that yes, you are worth every hardship and that I’ll make the distance work.
But you don’t.
You’d rather stick your nose in books and dedicate entire weeks to your friends and I’m left stranded in this one sided relationship that I’ve carried on by myself. You’d rather call me second best after all the time and love I invested in you and in us. I still love you though.
So when they say, “Quite simply, I love you.” they don’t mean it’s simple for me. It’s simple for you. You sit there looking as gorgeous as ever, accepting compliments and forms of affection and here I am sweating, worrying, stuttering over all the right things to say and do because I love you. And you’ll never know any of this because you were logical and I was hopeless. Maybe one day you’ll feel the same way and you’ll remember me. You’ll meet someone amazing and feel hopeless and fall at 500 mph. Maybe then you’ll think back to me and know how hard it was for me to let you go tonight.